Why Can't we Take Care of Ourself?
Men have urges that cannot always be taken care of by the wife. Sometimes the wife is not around, or they are not even home, or it is during the niddah time. What is to happen to the husband? I understand that a wife is not allowed to seduce her husband while it is niddah time. I understand that nothing romantic is to happen, but you know what, things happen and the husband can get aroused. Maybe it is because he saw something. Maybe because it is a long time since he has had “it”. Whatever the reason is, men have urges and they do, are there ways for him to take actions? How careful are you “not to waste seed”? Do you really follow that halacha? Are you really careful to make sure that you don’t spill? How many people are?
I remember hearing a young kallah talk about her kallah class. What a young girl she was. So innocent. So naive. As she was reviewing her notes and blushing, she mentioned that if a man is inside his wife and she realizes that she is bleeding, he must pull out and cannot continue. He should quickly go take a cold shower, and calm himself down, lest he shall spill his seed. She barely understood the concept. Of course she understood what was to happen, but she did not understand the result of his actions. How can she? She has never had sex before, nor had she had a man tease and arouse her before and then suddenly stop in midst of a good climax. She accepted just like that. It was told to her as halacha and what was the question there?
I have heard of a story where the husband was not inside of her, but she was on top of him doing what she does best to herself, when she had to stop for a minute. Before she continued she felt something moist and went to get check it out. To put it mildly, she was not able to continue what she was doing. It is not the same as when the husband is at his prime, but close enough, though this was her at her prime and not him. How frustrating it was for her not to be able to finish. From what I am told masturbating is wrong. In this case, she would not be able to masturbate and finish what she has started. Can someone out there please explain to me why not?
I remember hearing a young kallah talk about her kallah class. What a young girl she was. So innocent. So naive. As she was reviewing her notes and blushing, she mentioned that if a man is inside his wife and she realizes that she is bleeding, he must pull out and cannot continue. He should quickly go take a cold shower, and calm himself down, lest he shall spill his seed. She barely understood the concept. Of course she understood what was to happen, but she did not understand the result of his actions. How can she? She has never had sex before, nor had she had a man tease and arouse her before and then suddenly stop in midst of a good climax. She accepted just like that. It was told to her as halacha and what was the question there?
I have heard of a story where the husband was not inside of her, but she was on top of him doing what she does best to herself, when she had to stop for a minute. Before she continued she felt something moist and went to get check it out. To put it mildly, she was not able to continue what she was doing. It is not the same as when the husband is at his prime, but close enough, though this was her at her prime and not him. How frustrating it was for her not to be able to finish. From what I am told masturbating is wrong. In this case, she would not be able to masturbate and finish what she has started. Can someone out there please explain to me why not?
What is wrong with a women taking things into her own hands, (pun intended) and doing what she pleases to please herself? There are many reasons given why the husband is unable to please her at that time case in point, she is a niddah but while she started she was not, and now she wants to finish off and get the pleasure. Or her husband is out of town and she read a really steamy romance novel. We do actually get into the moods and at time we do not even need foreplay, and just want to have the release. Wait a few minutes, and then start again. I can understand the husband because of “don’t spill seed” but we do not have seed. The question is not whether or not “ women actually have urges other then in bed?” well we established that here, and yes, women do have urges and desires just like the men. The question is whether or not a women is allowed to masturbate, or please herself when she wants.
Is there something wrong with us doing that? If I think back I can recall she mentioning usage of a vibrator. That since she is not married and she still has raging hormones, she needs a release but it is not the same as the actual act. Granted, it is not the same, but is it halachakly allowed for us to do such thing? Or do we have the same restriction as men?
Back to the original question, why is it that men are now allowed to give themselves pleasure? Is it normal? I mean take single men out there. Is it really healthy for them to be at that age without having any pleasure? Is it really possible that he has not taken things into his own hands and threw the halacha issue away and decided to say screw it and continue with his urges? Does this make him less of a jewish man because he is unable to control his urges? Or the husband after a wife has a baby, or not even that long, during regular niddah time and he has urges. What is he supposed to do??
The board is open. Ready for discussions. Let it out. You waited for it.
posted by BasTorah @ 12:14 AM
42 Comments:
Bas,
Isn't there an assumption on this board that we all keep Torah and mitzvot? If so, your post could have been about anything at all-from Shabbos to Kashrus. What is a person to do if he wants to keep kosher, yet loves the smell of pizza with sausage? Obviously, he has to control himself.
That there are some people who cannot does not surprise me. But how is that relevant to this discussion? The very fist lesson of the entire Torah is self-control. Even a child must learn that he cannot have everything he wants, in the same way that Adam was not permitted to eat from the tree. We all have our personal tree, and we all must control our base urges.
As for WHY it is that a man is not allowed to give himself pleasure, I suggest you take a look at Sefer Hachinuch, or similar sefarim. I'd be happy to quote from the sources if you like.
Its all holy superstitious stuff. Stuff about potential neshomos and all that.
Jak:
Why do you simply refer people to the sources. Why dodn't you expound on the here? Be "mezake es horabim".
My take on the whole subject is that it’s more to do with sexual suppression throughout the generations than with Judaism, men masturbation is not one of the 613 and it is not even mentioned as something that should not be done in the torah, and besides if it is so bad and so unavoidable; then it is some big misdesign in men and woman; that a man wastes millions and a woman only has once a month one egg; and it is never considered that she is wasting it.
But either way the amount of guilt that is put in to us is for sure not productive nor is it healthy. And one of the results we seem to have from it is that frummer men seem to think less of being unfaithful then they do of wasting seed.
"holy superstitous stuff"?
"sexual suppression throughout the generations"?
Excuse me for not being specific enough in my first post. When I said that I assume everyone on this board keeps Torah and mitzvot, I also assumed that we believe the words of Chazal and the Gedolim throughout the ages.
If this is not the case, I do not believe that this is the forum to argue it out. If, to you, the holy words of Chazal are superstition and drivel, there is no way I could ever adequately explain this subject to you.
For those who believe in Chazal, I'll post some sources when I get the chance.
Jak:
What Lost says is proof that the old fahioned way of simply saying its ossur doesn't work. People want to understand, and why shouldn't they? Can Lost ask his Rov why this is so, could he have asked his Mashgiach what the big deal is. Had he asked, would he have gotten an answer? More likely he would have been flagged as an "oisvorf" and flung out of his Yeshiva.
Stop acting like a loser. Step up to the plate and explain.
Why do you hide why do you shrirk,
get out your gemorah and get to work.
Ultra:
No, Its not a chok. There are reasons and there are answers to many questions, such as the one asked by Lost above.
There's also a lack of people who know how to give these answers. If people ask, its a sign they need responses. Simply saying what you said, namely that its Gods will, isn't good enough.
Please explain all Hebrew quotes that is written here. I have been getting emails about them. If you are transliterating a posuk,a translate it as well.
hotzoas zera levatalo, please explain. What does this mean? I am asking to what extent, as I have mentioned before. Is everytime someone a man and wife have sex is he supposed to be thinking about procreating? Isn't he wasting a seed when the wife is on the pill, or unable to get pregnant? If you give me the answer that he is supposed to please her, we all know there are other ways to please her than by him ejaculating. He can please her without him pleasing himself.
I think there is a need to get an answer and find out WHY and not just to say, "because it says so". We are encouraged to ask questions, give us good answers!
Well by my chosun classes I was told that really when she is pregnant sex should be reduced to once a week; and that is also only allowed because humans are humans, and then he went on to explain that it is healthy for the baby that’s why it is allowed!!! But any way how do you expect a man to please the woman with out him pleasing him self on a regular bases, do we men look like some vibrater that you can just turn the switch off!!!
jck and ultra
Come on frummer is right talk up; with more then the conventional answer of “every one knows it oser”. If its soooo oser why is it not one of the 613 or one of the 7 add on's. And the same way you can see today that 90% of what we do is about method and not about religion, the same is masturbation it was; and still is seen by many as a method of sexual suppression; and in there view sexual suppression is needed as a way of keeping people in a morel and religion way of life. It might be true or it might not be true that it is needed, but it still does not make it oser from the torah, and it sure does not make it a pillar of Judaism
At best I would agree that it goes in to “veusem kadoshim, kadash atzmech bmiter loch” (you should be holy, by restraining your self from what is allowed)
"Stop acting like a loser. Step up to the plate and explain."
"Can Lost ask his Rov why this is so, could he have asked his Mashgiach what the big deal is. Had he asked, would he have gotten an answer? More likely he would have been flagged as an "oisvorf" and flung out of his Yeshiva."
Frummer and Lost: I feel bad for you that your Yeshiva/Rabbinical experiences have not been positive. That may explain why you are both so obviously bitter. I can name a DOZEN yeshivas off the top of my head where you can go and ask any of the Rebbeim honest questions, and you'll get honest, down to earth answers. (In case you need some names, try: Mercaz Hatorah, Beis Yisrael, Midrash Shmuel, Ner Yaakov, T.J., Reishit, Mevaseret, all in Jerusalem. I also know of "open" yeshivas in Baltimore, Chicago, LA, and New York.)
By saying that I assume that everyone on this forum believes the words of Chazal, I do not mean that we cannot try to understand the reasoning behind their words. Yet there is a great difference between trying to understand what they've written and discarding what we don't fancy, or what does not fit with our "modern" mentality.
Nor did I say "it's ossur because it's ossur" anywhere in my post. Yet the truth is, this is essentially correct. If the sages say that it is ossur (Which they do, explicitly), then yes, it is ossur. If we can understand the meaning behind their words, so much the better. If we cannot, then we are still obligated to heed their words. If you do not agree, fine; that's your business. But as I said, the question of whether we must or must not keep laws of the Rabbis, or laws derived by the Rabbis, is beyond the scope of this blog.
As for the Halacha, the sages state explicitly that male masturbation is prohibited (There seems to be an argument about female masturbation. Tosefos (Yevamos 12b) permits it, while others, including the Ramban, do not. Consult your local orthodox rabbi if you need a pesak) See Nidda 13.
Lost, you are correct about one thing at least. The prohibition is not explicit as one of the 613 mitzvot. According to the Sefer Hachinuch and others, the prohibition against wasting seed is based on the positive commandment of "Be fruitful and multiply." The most simple reasoning is this: The seed that a man carries is potential life. If he wastes it, he has wasted that great potential. True, he'll have more sperm when he needs it. But that's not the point. The potential is still lost, regardless of how much more potential he has.
The seed of a man is meant for procreation. To be more precise, the seed of a man is meant to fulfil the commandment of "Be fruitful and multiply." This explains why a man is allowed to sleep with his wife when there can be no procreation, such as when a man's wife is pregnant. A man who has sex at that time is still engaging in "Be fruitful and Multiply"--still engaging in a healthy, normal, sexual relationship with his wife, which is the essence of the mitzvah.
But of course, you're going to find this explanation lacking, and if I were you, I probably would too. To really explain things, I'd have to go back and ask a bunch of questions that need asking, and explain many underlying principles: What, exactly, is this "potential" business? Why did God create humans to be fully capable by the time they are three years old, but only sexually mature at a later time?
You're kidding yourself if you think that there's a "2 minute" answer to this question, just as you would be kidding yourself if you thought you could get a simple answer to ANY complex subject. (Can you please explain why America is in debt? Can you please explain why the price of crude oil fluctuates?)
If anybody is interested, I can suggest at least one book that deals properly with this subject.
As for some of the suggested "answers," they can be discarded outright.
Lost says: But either way the amount of guilt that is put in to us is for sure not productive nor is it healthy. And one of the results we seem to have from it is that frummer men seem to think less of being unfaithful then they do of wasting seed.
Can you please explain the difference between the guilt that is placed on a person for this sin, versus turning on a light on Shabbos? And if it is neither productive nor healthy, then the entire Torah must be wrong. As for your suggestion that frum men think less of being unfaithful than masturbating, all I can say is: please remember to take your pills.
You also suggested: And the same way you can see today that 90% of what we do is about method and not about religion, the same is masturbation it was; and still is seen by many as a method of sexual suppression; and in there view sexual suppression is needed as a way of keeping people in a morel and religion way of life.
Anybody who is at all familiar with the words of Chazal know that they had no interest in sexual suppression whatsoever. In fact, the gemara is quite explicit about the sexual obligations that a man has toward his wife. If he engages in certain types of work, he may be obligated to sleep with her on a daily basis! Please show me a source, or some indication where you've found that Chazal were interested in sexually suppressing the masses. That's just plain baloney.
Thank you for your response.
My question remains the same. Why did God create is in such a way to prevent what we call human nature? He created us to enjoy and to allow us to have pleasure, why is it then there are some times when it is beyond comprehension to the huamn mind when it is "issur" not allowed? Two months after the wife gives birth...and sometimes longer! Being single in the late 20's and beyond...If the wife is only allowed ONE week out of a month, who is to blame the husband from looking elsewhere...he was NOT created that way.
I am allowed to complain and bemoan the fact that halacha is not on the side of humans. I do not know if the previous generations felt this way, and I can only assume yes!
RTJ said: My simple point is this: Show me a healthy guy who claims never to masturbate, and I will show you a liar.
RTJ, do you mean guys that are married, or single? If you mean the latter, fine. But if you mean the former, that is simply not true.
Bas,
In a normal, healthy marriage, a husband should be satisfied enough to not need outside release. Or, at least, the fact that he has release should be enough to help him control himself during the times when he cannot be with his wife. The two months after birth is tough, true. But that's not the regular order of things.
As for unmarried teens, you're right that it's a problem. But you also have to realize that we simply live in a decadent society. How can a guy control himself when he literally sees sex on the TV on a daily basis? When he sees women in the street literally half naked?
If Chazal were around today, who can doubt that they would look at Western culture and label it in the same way that they labeled ancient Egypt and Canaan, the two decadent societies of the ancient world? I agree that this makes it virtually impossible for a healthy teen male to control himself. But do realize that such a society is not the normal order of things, regardless of what contemporary society might tell you.
Jak:
All the Yeshivas you have mentioned sound Litvish.
Try spending some time in a real Chassidish yeshiva. With all the “heavy” lectures on Kedusho etc, and then seen if you will still feel that there is no sexual oppression. Have you heard of the rules surrounding sex, when, how what and where?
Of course, many are Halacho, but most are not,
the Chassidim tend to go for the lot.
Lost Spirit is a Chossid and so am I,
Now do you understand why we cry?
Now I have another question for you guys out there. Back in the olden days with chazal saying about "wasting seed" I think life was very different for men. Wouldn't you agree that a man would find it harder to masterbate on his own if he has more than one wife? When one wife is a niddah, he just goes to his pilegesh, or to his second wife?
Wasn't the cherem only FIVE hundred years old (give or take a few) and therefore when the "halacha" of this issue came about, men were already satisfied so there really was no need? Please answer
BasTorah,
There are two problems with your thesis:
1. Polygyny, while legal up until about a thousand years ago, was never very common. The average Joe off the street couldn't afford or didn't want two wives.
2. Women who live together tend to have thier cycles synchronized after a while. So, having two wives under the same household wouldn't provide someone with an alternate, because they'd both be forbidden at the same time.
The Wolf
The Wolf:
I cannot agree with you. There are many many sefardim from before who had many many many wives. Are they different than the typical Ashkenaz man? I think not.
The next issue I had, who is to say that the women needed to live in one house? And not always are the timing of the cycles synchronized.
If you don't have kiddushin you can still have a pilegesh. So what is the difference? And back then the counting of the mikvah was different as we have seen here (previous posts link) that the counting was very different. If I am correct, the a bris was celebrated also because the wife returned from the mikvah. So they had less of an issue than we do now.
I still think that there are many Rabbis out there who tend to make things more than they need to be.
Yosef
If you read the previous post you will see a link where it wrote on how the counting of niddah days are calculated and HOW it DID change because the women felt that it was too hard for them (i tend to agree after reading how the counting used to be done)
You canNOT say that the Torah is the Torah and it does not change. Where else do you get all the halachos from and how the gedolei hadoros pasken differently. I thought it was one Torah and one ruling...
Yosef: Is it spelled out in the Torah not to? Please tell me where so I can look it up. How are things translated differently.
And what happens if the husband ejaculates prematurely, is that a big sin as well? Is it his fault? Or he is at fault because he cannot control himself?
Ichbingit: At least the anon claims that "To the best of his knowledge" he does not know of the source that I quoted. You, however, have totally distorted and perverted the meaning of the Rambam. If you're such a sage, I assume you know what Chazal say about people who are "megaleh panim baTorah."
I will post on the Rambam later tonight.
BasTorah,
Thanks for your reply.
I think, however, you are overstating the commonality of polygyny among Sephardim. I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of them, even when living in polygynous countries, are monogomous.
And if we're talking about separate houses, then for certain we're talking about an extreme minority. Most people cannot afford two households.
The Wolf
I will add this Avara of masturbation to the book of "Gazeiros Shain Hatzibor Yochol Lamod Boi"
(things that most people can NOT accomplish)
I don't think anyone can say that they have never masturbated, we all do it most times we even do it while feeling guilty other times the guilt kicks in a second after your done, and too many times you just don't think about the guilt feeling.
is the Avarah the same you do it yourself or your wife does it for you ?
The Rambam:
Looking at the way you summed the Rambam, I was reminded of the joke about the guy who spelled Noach (a two letter word in Hebrew) with seven spelling mistakes. How much misunderstanding can you pack into one “peshat”?
1. First, you claim that the Rambam holds that the prohibition against masturbation is only Rabbinical. This is patently false. But even if you were correct, your point is still hogwash. Are we to begin (as you and Shlomi have already suggested) casting aside Rabbinical laws when we decide they are too difficult to keep? That’s the quick road to Reform “Judaism.” Some people claim that the laws of negiah are impossible to keep. Some people claim that the laws of Shabbat are impossible to keep. We try our best to keep the laws, and sometimes we fail. But certainly we must try.
2. Next, your reading of the Rambam is completely corrupt. You make it sound as if the Rambam is dismissing the concerns of Chazal. “They were just trying to frighten us.” Nothing could be further from the truth. An accurate translation of the Rambam is:
“The Sages already warned us severely against entertaining [sexual] thoughts and attempted to keep us away from things that cause such thoughts. They constantly frightened and scared us against purposely causing ourselves to become erect or spilling our seed in vain. This means that these things are prohibited, yet [a person who transgresses] is not punished with lashes for anything of this type.
As you can see, the Rambam asks no contradiction, and does not imply one. He is certainly not dismissing the concerns of the Sages. Everything that you’ve read into the Rambam is purely fictional.
3. But the worst error that you commit is to claim that since the Rambam says that you get no lashes, that means that he holds the prohibition to be Rabbinic. (I assume you’re not referring to the fact that the Rambam says ‘The Sages warned us…” He just means that the Sages emphasized how serious this Torah prohibition is. I’ll quote the Rambam in the Yad Hachazaka below).
This is completely incorrect. The sages (Nidda 13b) learn from the verse “Lo sinof” that one may not masturbate. Clearly, they mean that it is a Torah prohibition, a subcategory of the prohibition against adultery and other lewd acts. Yet the Torah does not state the prohibition explicitly. That’s why you get no lashes.
Luckily, the Rambam HIMSELF says this a few lines earlier (did you read the Rambam before you quoted it?). “It is prohibited to smell the perfume of a woman who is an “ervah”, yet you are not punished with lashes for such a transgression. Even though the sages say, ‘Lo sinof’ – [this can be understood as:] you shall not receive pleasure means of smell’ – there is never a punishment of lashes for a prohibition learned from a derush.”
Got that? Despite the fact that certain prohibitions are from the Torah, if the Sages derive them by derush, you do not receive lashes.
There is no opinion that says that this is a Rabbinical prohibition, because the Sages explicitly say otherwise. There is nothing wrong with being an ignoramus, but why do you have to publicize the fact?
I'll quote the Rambam in the Halachos, for anybody who is still in doubt:
"It is prohibited to spill seed in vain...But those who masturbate and spill seed: Not only is it a great prohibition, but one who does this is placed in "nidduy". The verse, "Their hands are filled with blood" applies to them, and it is as if they committed murder" (Rambam, Issurei Bi'ah 21:19).
Hmmm...no mention of Rabbinical prohibition here.
As for "Chasid Leitz" you've managed to top even ichbingit for ignoramity.
Can you show us a single source for any of the wild, false claims that you make? Can you show us the Chazon Ish? Can you show me poskim who take "different approaches"?
"but it certainly does justice and provokes further study in what has become one of the more confusing areas of halacha."
You may be confused, but there is no sign of confusion in any of the sources I've ever seen. It is prohibited, period. If you don't understand what wasting your seed is, I suggest you pick up a book on sex education.
KG,
Very, very well put.
The first mechanical vibrator was invented in the 1880's by a British physician as a way to more quickly and effectively perform a "therapeutic massage." Starting in the first century A.D., doctors manually massaged women to orgasm in hopes of purging them of a mysterious illness. The vibrator was invented as a way to get the job done more quickly‹therefore allowing the doctor time to see more patients.
What, you must ask, were esteemed physicians doing with their vibrators? They were treating hysteria, the most common health complaint among women of the day. While the existence of hysteria as a disease was debunked in the 1950¹s, medical experts from the time of Hippocrates up to the 20th century believed that hysteria expressed the womb¹s revolt against sexual deprivation. A woman's display of mental or emotional distress was a clear indication of her need for sexual release. Genital massage was a standard treatment for hysteria; its objective was to induce "hysterical paroxysm" (better known as orgasm) in the patient. Obviously such treatment demanded both manual dexterity and a fair amount of time, so turn of the century physicians were delighted with the efficiency, convenience and reliability of portable vibrators.
Today, vibrators are status implements for most young educated women who consider themselves wise in the ways of the world. Vibes are just a part of the urban landscape, and a good boyfriend is one who sensitively buys you one for Valentine's Day. The vibrator is quite possibly the most potent symbol there is of women¹s sexual agency. The possession of a vibrator tells the world (or at least yourself!) that not only are you comfortable with your own peculiarly female sexuality, but that you are able to give yourself sexual satisfaction‹that you aren¹t waiting for a man to decide to send you into paroxysms of ecstasy.
(Excerpted from www.salon.com/urge/feature/1999/02/cov_25feature2.html)
check it out http://www.hanefesh.com/edu/Kosher_Sex.htm
thekvetch
thanks for the great link!
TALMID; what does an affluent society have to do with it, poor people want sex too. also is the reason why men had multiple wives in the old days? could it have been to keep the husband in constant relations huh? we cannot desire the wife of our neighbor but a single girl soon to become a multiple wife it makes sense no?
Letz,
The chazon ish is in Orach Chaim and Even Haezer.
Could you be a little more specific? Some of us are not fluent in the entire Chazon Ish, as you clearly are.
Ichbingit said: "Just remeber -- Hashem did not make keeping a Torah life an impossible goal. And lets face it, in today's society for sure, saying you are liable with death for masturbation, is impossible."
He also said: I didn't shout, "hey everybody, knock yourself out because the Rambam says it ok!!!"
Actually, I think that's precisely what you did. Keeping such a law is impossible, but hey, don't worry, because there's a "realistic" opinion that holds it's only a Rabbinic law anyway.
You also said: "It seems that you would have wanted me to say that so that you can show everyone what a tzadik you are."
I don't know that it takes a tzaddik, or a talmid chacham, to read a Rambam correctly. I never claimed to be either. If you are familiar with Talmudic discussion, you know how zealously the sages defend the correct understanding of opinions.
As for my understanding of the "argument" about whether women may masturbate (which you and one other gloated over), yes, I was incorrect. I asked a real talmid chacham about it, and that's the answer he gave me. I suppose that he didn't understand what I was asking, but I WILL ADMIT that I should never have quoted the source without looking it up first. Got that? I admit I was incorrect. But you refuse to admit your error.
anon,
As others pointed out, there is an argument as to whether or not a woman, or gentile may destroy seed (not masturbate). The Ramban is mentioned by both the Mishneh Lemelech and the Minchas Chinuch in that context, though I didn't manage to find it. See the M.L. on the Rambam about motzei lerah levatalah, the source I quoted above.
Talmid
I vehemently disagree with that statement. Have you taken a look at the people around you? What does money have to do with sex? Have you not read the pleas from Great Rabbis to give money to these poor poor families of thirteen kids where the oldest is 18? If you do the math, they are having sex quite frequently! Usually it is the rich and famous people who have FEWER children then the poor. Think about it. Sex is the cheapest entertainment! And this is just in the Orthodox communities. Try in the “real world”. It is the lower class that seem to have more children.
I see most people here beleive that every man is masturabting. I just want to counter that.
I have NEVER masturbated, so far, and I hope that I will NEVER do that, with God's help.
I am writing this just so people should know that it IS possible to control oneself. I am not writing to you so that you should think that I am a tzadik, because no one here knows who I am.
I believe that there are many people like, but they don't wirte here. It happended to be that those people writnig here are masturbating.
TALMID you never been exposed to the inner cities where the AFRican Americans live have you? I used to work very closely with them and they told me some women have kids to get a bigger check each month. and Shlomo hamelech: you dont need to be a tzaddik to be able to control ones self. I see beautiful hot half naked chicks in the city all summer long i can control myself. a few drinks help too.
I do not mean to offened anyone , but I am in now way bound by any religion. With that said; I believe if it feels good,you know your body better than anyone, who has the right to tell you what to do with it. Those who wish to control our day to day will so with devices with hidden meanings.
tzvi5 when I feel the urge so badly, I think to myself and say NO NO I AM NOT GOING TO DO IT. I get so involved in the thinking of why and how I can control myself that I get carried away from all the temptations. There is one way that I find easy to distract me from all temptations, just go to all those websites that report news or information about all the terrible diseases, it makes one pretty anxious and terrified.
Just remember what the Rambam writes in the Shmone Prokim, which is also a good way of relieving oneself from any temptation. The Rambam says that when one wants to break a bad dead or whatever he should do it slowly, not at once. Meaning that first say to yourself, I am not giving up this dead altogether, just for now, this time I won't do it. Only this time, tomorrow I will do it again and a day after tomorrow I won't and then again, etc.
As a result, if you break it once, the second time it's a lot easier break it. The second time you have to remember the same thing that you will do it again tomorrow but you just want to try to quit again, just for this time. If you feel so tempted the second time do it but the third and forth time don't. Little by little you will learn to control yourself. Good luck, b'ezras hashem.
Is it allowed for a jewish man to go down on his wife?
No ! it is not OK !
Here's a formal answer from a chashuv Rav. It isn't assur, but because it usually brings on impure thoughts, it should be avoided. However, for a woman who's reached a certain age and does not have a husband, I don't see what the problem is with relieving the sexual tension every once in a while. http://www.dinonline.org/2011/01/11/female-masturbation-in-halachah/
What is if it comes out in middle of sleeping?
Post a Comment
Let's hear your thoughts<< Home