Too Much Information
What is tmi for girl friends to share?
Being that we are Jewish and I am frum (still searching for a good definition), I keep wondering how much I can share with my friends and still keep within the boundries of keeping sexual relations in the bedroom, only. What I mean, and hope you do understand, and all you girls out there can help me out, is when is it too much information being given, and when can you open up.
As I was on the train to work I overheard two girlfriends talking. No, silly people, I do not mean lesbians. I meant two Jewish ladies on their way to work or shopping and their conversation got hushed and turned to Yiddish. I picked up the conversation when it got interesting. One was asking the other what she did to arouse her husband. And if she had tried something and does she think it would work. I was taken aback here. Why did they feel comfortable enough to talk about it in public, yet I sometimes don’t know when I can bring it up with my own friends who are more “modern” then what these two ladies looked like.
I don’t agree that the train was the appropriate setting, but that is not the point. The point I am trying to make is that some are very comfortable to talk about while others are not so. Don’t get me wrong, I have spoken to my friends on this topic numerous times, but I was never the one to bring it up. With some friends I assume it is a no-no topic and I should not even bother or think about it. While others I know it is a great topic but just how do you bring it up. Or better yet, am I too frum to talk about it with them and that is why they do not want to discuss it with me? I too want to brave like you and have a site that talks about sex all day long and have girl talk whenever needed. How does one get over the shyness and approach the topic like a regular normal topic? Or is it really a normal topic for bas yisroel wives to talk about with friends?
I remember my kallah teacher telling me to call her when and if I needed anything from her. I just didn’t feel so comfortable with her and now it is too late being a few years down the road. My mother, well, who can really speak to their mother about their bedroom lifestyle? I don’t feel comfortable talking to her, or the rebbetzin at shul. So I turn to you and to your blog and feel that I can ask here or at least talk here. Thank you again for allowing this avenue for me.
I can tell my friends, if the conversation leads that way, that yes I enjoy sex. Not in those words, but it can lead to that. But can I share with them what I did? Can I share the erotic details of our sexual escapades, or is that tmi and a breach in my husbands trust in me to keep things confidential? Am I to assume that he is keeping things under his hat as well? And not sharing this with his co-workers around the water cooler? There must be a set bar, a dignity bar that one doesn’t bend over to the wrong side. At what point is that? Is writing here bending the wrong way? Or is this allowed since it is anonymous? Oh, I have so many questions but so little time to think about how I can gently approach the topics with people I don’t think I know.
Thank you again for the outlet.
Being that we are Jewish and I am frum (still searching for a good definition), I keep wondering how much I can share with my friends and still keep within the boundries of keeping sexual relations in the bedroom, only. What I mean, and hope you do understand, and all you girls out there can help me out, is when is it too much information being given, and when can you open up.
As I was on the train to work I overheard two girlfriends talking. No, silly people, I do not mean lesbians. I meant two Jewish ladies on their way to work or shopping and their conversation got hushed and turned to Yiddish. I picked up the conversation when it got interesting. One was asking the other what she did to arouse her husband. And if she had tried something and does she think it would work. I was taken aback here. Why did they feel comfortable enough to talk about it in public, yet I sometimes don’t know when I can bring it up with my own friends who are more “modern” then what these two ladies looked like.
I don’t agree that the train was the appropriate setting, but that is not the point. The point I am trying to make is that some are very comfortable to talk about while others are not so. Don’t get me wrong, I have spoken to my friends on this topic numerous times, but I was never the one to bring it up. With some friends I assume it is a no-no topic and I should not even bother or think about it. While others I know it is a great topic but just how do you bring it up. Or better yet, am I too frum to talk about it with them and that is why they do not want to discuss it with me? I too want to brave like you and have a site that talks about sex all day long and have girl talk whenever needed. How does one get over the shyness and approach the topic like a regular normal topic? Or is it really a normal topic for bas yisroel wives to talk about with friends?
I remember my kallah teacher telling me to call her when and if I needed anything from her. I just didn’t feel so comfortable with her and now it is too late being a few years down the road. My mother, well, who can really speak to their mother about their bedroom lifestyle? I don’t feel comfortable talking to her, or the rebbetzin at shul. So I turn to you and to your blog and feel that I can ask here or at least talk here. Thank you again for allowing this avenue for me.
I can tell my friends, if the conversation leads that way, that yes I enjoy sex. Not in those words, but it can lead to that. But can I share with them what I did? Can I share the erotic details of our sexual escapades, or is that tmi and a breach in my husbands trust in me to keep things confidential? Am I to assume that he is keeping things under his hat as well? And not sharing this with his co-workers around the water cooler? There must be a set bar, a dignity bar that one doesn’t bend over to the wrong side. At what point is that? Is writing here bending the wrong way? Or is this allowed since it is anonymous? Oh, I have so many questions but so little time to think about how I can gently approach the topics with people I don’t think I know.
Thank you again for the outlet.
posted by BasTorah @ 12:40 AM
15 Comments:
i have no problem talking to my women neighbors of my sexual life
i talk about it all the time and they enjoy it
i dont see any problem with talking about sex
Short answer: if your spouse wouldn't want you discussing your sex life with friends it would certainly be a breach of trust to do it, especially if it really is without constructive purpose.
normal1
what are you smokin?
im exactly on topic
unless you gonna bash me on all the blogs i post now
well guess what it wont help you as i made myself a bunch of friends
and on your blog you deserve negative comments
normal1
is this your blog?
why you tellin other people what to do?
brooklyn JG
do you get the same feeling as me
regarding who this shaitel lady realy is?
Hi Bas,
Personal opinion:
It is ok to discuss and get ideas, not OK to get into details of "the best position your spouse likes" etc.
Mooochy
why would i wanna be a langeshaitel?
You consider yourself a Bas Torah?? From all the posts on your site which i just read, all i can gather is that you are semi-sex-obsessed. Where are the issues worthy of belonging to a "bas TORAH" ??
normal1
why do you care so much whats going on
on someone elses blog?
im just that bored lol
I believe that discussing details of your relationship with your husband is frowned up, because aside from issues of tznius and privacy, the concern is that people will start comparing and perhaps finding their marriage/relationship/husband lacking and start feeling discontented. This would be an issue for non-observant couples as well. However, I personally feel that if you have close friends and they can give you good advice, and you use common sense in how far you go with your conversations, then it can be helpful to have people to talk to - but only to get/give constructive advise, not to regale each other with your adventures. And yes, you should be careful not to breach your husband's trust. Think how you would feel if he shared information about you without your permission.
Very often it really gets out of control, though. A close friend told me a week or so ago, that in her office, in a small boy's Yeshgiva, no less, she is the only single girl there. They still arent used to that, and quite often there are discussions about the previous nite. For example, which position they like, or if they only go on top because the husb wants. When they realized she was there the whole time, they were very embarrassed. My question, is even if it was only a group of married women, is this appropriate for such a setting..
interesting that i've always worked in a non-frum environment and no one has ever discussed stuff like that around me
I'm lucky to have a friend who started a conversation of the kind, since then I know it's ok to discuss with someone you trust.
Always talk theoretically, let's say if "a person…..”.
You‘re not fooling anyone but it feels more comfortable.
Well, I guess the fact they switched to Yiddish helps for the people on the train who want to keep their last meal down.
As for talking to a kallah teacher--sometimes girls forge a connection, but it has to just happen, not the Kallah teacher trying to be nice.
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