An Affair

I keep thinking about those who have had an affair or who are currently having one. How do they go home and face their spouse each day, knowing that if it was ever discovered the marriage is over. Then I get into a mood and wonder what will happen if I catch my husband in a tangle of webs, or if he would catch me in one.

Why do married people stray? What is it that leads them to look at others and want more than what they have? It can even be the same as what they have, but it must be the mere fact of doing something that is wrong that is the thriller. Don't you remember the first time you did something wrong. How you felt fearful and afraid, yet exhilarated at the same time. This is the same thing. Cheating is not done because the person wants to hurt someone else, it is to show that he/she can do it and not get caught.

While I do not agree with cheating and don't expect me to encourage one who is cheating on their soul mate, I can some what understand why the need is sometimes there. I was speaking with a friend and he said that he is getting bored with his marriage. Things just aren't the way he thought they would be. He wants something new. Something exciting. Leading an orthodox life is really boring and simple. He wishes he can do the things his coworkers do and he is tempted to go ahead and do something. He really is not a mean person. And he doesn't mean to hurt his family, but he is getting antsy and his wife simply does not understand him. Call it middle age too early! Now I know he wants my approval and all, but I simply cannot give it to him, being a wife. I suggest he talks to her and tells her what is going on and then figure something out...like curtailing his needs and living with what he has.

I also try to limit the conversation with him alone because I feel that there are many ways to have an affair that does not include sex alone. Talking to others behind the back of your spouse is an affair. Men don't always understand that. By talking to other women when your wife is not around can constitute as an affair. If you are using this women as a person to talk to because your wife wouldn't understand, that is an affair. It is not only talking. If you are hanging out because you need to get away from the house, you are having an affair with someone or something else and that is a breach in the contract of marriage. Some don't even realize it that we are doing it.

If the wife is sitting in front of her T.V. constantly and avoiding her husband and is not there for moral support or anything else, she is having an affair and betraying her marriage. She doesn't think that way, but if her husband would be at a bar all night, she would feel that he is betraying her. It is a two way street here.

Please set up boundaries and talk to your spouse about how you feel. He/she might not even know how you feel. If you need down time, and alone time, please communicate. If you feel that this one person understands you better, let your spouse know and be open about it instead of hiding it. By hiding the relationship you are admitting that it is wrong. Using the excuse that you didn't want to hurt her/him is invalid.

Your marriage is there. If there are kids involved it is harder to break away. There's also the emotional baggage that is there that is hard to break away.

The next time you have an affair, think of how you would respond if it was the other side having an affair.