Flirting with Fire
Flirting.
Flirting is fun. Flirting can be exhilarating. Flirting can be dangerous. Flirting can fill a void. Flirting can cause trouble. Flirting can...You fill in the blank here.
From an email I got:
Bassy,
I just love being a flirt. I love talking to men. I can talk and talk without a problem whether it is through email or phone or even face to face. I have the opportunity all the time. At work and at home. I just start a conversation and I relax. I get into this mood where I just want to talk and engage in a conversation on any topic. I am sometimes a bit overtly about what I say and I see if I am scaring him away or not. I can take anything. I accept when my coworker calls me honey. I accept when my friend's husband wants to ask my opinion on different things and feels the need to seek me out. I am not doing anything wrong. My husband knows that I am talking to these men. Actually most are his friends. But he doesn't know is how I feel about it. He doesn't always know the context of the conversations, but there isn't anything wrong with the topics. Just sometimes I feel that I can play on words that can lead to something, but I never let it lead to anything. If it is even close to going somewhere, I stop and back off. I do not have sexual conversations with these men, though sometimes I fantasize about it.
Do you think this is wrong? I don't think I would be upset if my husband does this but he doesn't have access to the females. And the females that he does encounter like my friends, are all tight lipped and barely talk to him.
You see I am different from my friends. I do not know if they know that I talk to their husband like this. I am open and open-minded. I am someone who is easy to talk to, so men find that endearing. I say this because this is what the men tell me. "X you are such an easy person to talk to, if only my wife was this openminded on such topics.." And "can you teach my wife this...". None of this comes to touching or phone/cyber sex if that is what you are thinking about. I just feel good about myself when what I say and think are valued by members of the opposite sex. I don't go into details about a lot of things, but now I am wondering if I should...But then I am afraid that it will be intimate and that is not what I want.
Can you help me?
Flirting with fire.
Readers,
I know this belongs on the dear bassy page but that is about dead as can be. I am not sure how to answer this person. Flirting is dangerous, but I agree that it is fun. Do you realise that many people flirt and there are those who are not conscience of their actions. You do have to be careful with the border, and make a rule for yourself and never cross that line. I say if it is all clean fun, go ahead and have fun.
From an email I got:
Bassy,
I just love being a flirt. I love talking to men. I can talk and talk without a problem whether it is through email or phone or even face to face. I have the opportunity all the time. At work and at home. I just start a conversation and I relax. I get into this mood where I just want to talk and engage in a conversation on any topic. I am sometimes a bit overtly about what I say and I see if I am scaring him away or not. I can take anything. I accept when my coworker calls me honey. I accept when my friend's husband wants to ask my opinion on different things and feels the need to seek me out. I am not doing anything wrong. My husband knows that I am talking to these men. Actually most are his friends. But he doesn't know is how I feel about it. He doesn't always know the context of the conversations, but there isn't anything wrong with the topics. Just sometimes I feel that I can play on words that can lead to something, but I never let it lead to anything. If it is even close to going somewhere, I stop and back off. I do not have sexual conversations with these men, though sometimes I fantasize about it.
Do you think this is wrong? I don't think I would be upset if my husband does this but he doesn't have access to the females. And the females that he does encounter like my friends, are all tight lipped and barely talk to him.
You see I am different from my friends. I do not know if they know that I talk to their husband like this. I am open and open-minded. I am someone who is easy to talk to, so men find that endearing. I say this because this is what the men tell me. "X you are such an easy person to talk to, if only my wife was this openminded on such topics.." And "can you teach my wife this...". None of this comes to touching or phone/cyber sex if that is what you are thinking about. I just feel good about myself when what I say and think are valued by members of the opposite sex. I don't go into details about a lot of things, but now I am wondering if I should...But then I am afraid that it will be intimate and that is not what I want.
Can you help me?
Flirting with fire.
Readers,
I know this belongs on the dear bassy page but that is about dead as can be. I am not sure how to answer this person. Flirting is dangerous, but I agree that it is fun. Do you realise that many people flirt and there are those who are not conscience of their actions. You do have to be careful with the border, and make a rule for yourself and never cross that line. I say if it is all clean fun, go ahead and have fun.
posted by BasTorah @ 4:34 PM
8 Comments:
Bas,
This is a bit of a turn around for you,( i agree RJT) but I am glad you changed your mind and do not consider this type of activity cheating. I don't even consider it flirting.
Flirting to me, is sexual in nature. This type of talk between a man and women is no big deal, normal and natural.
From what this woman describes it seems like she is just normal. Its when you have overly repressed ppl that are afraid to even say Good Shabbos getting all weird that you first have trouble.
Its interesting none than Reb Moshe ZTZ"L, writes in a Tshuva that maybe there should be a mehitza on every sidewalk, V Ain Ldovor Sof (where does it end).
Of courseone has to exercise proper judgement. If you know deep down that you are really just flirting for less than wholesome reasons, at the very least be aware of it and dont fool yourself.
I think this lady was just repressed so much to begin with that she feels like this.
flirt and have fun?
is this a bas torahs view point?
Everyone defines flirting differently it can be dangerous to just say flirting is fine without defining it.
seems like you too ignorant to respond
Weird, but the letter seems to indicate normal day-to-day conversation, however she calls it "flirting"...
I can't imagine that she has an intimate conversation with a male co-worker right out of the blue..
The question if she's flirting or not. Is she discussing private topics, or financial statements? I guess if discussing financial statements turns her on, she should stop.
http://www.cockamun.blogspot.com/
thekvetcher is back
I don't think this woman is doing anything wrong in terms of what she's actually doing. But the way she thinks about it makes me wonder. SHE thinks these conversations in a sexual sense when they're really quite innocent.
Look in the secular world it's normal to have conversation with someone else's husband as long as a certain line isn't crossed. It's just that she lives in a setting of repression to such an extent that all communication between men and women is deemed sexual in nature. That's twisted and leads to problems.
I'd ask this woman why she would have a problem with her husband talking to other women. And if she really would, she should stop her own behavior. Something's off, and I think this really could lead to an affair on her part.
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