Walk Away

Ever feel like walking away? Walking away from all of it? From life? Just getting into the car, and leaving everything behind and starting anew? Take a few things with you, maybe and start a brand new life. Imagine that. You have been given the gift of a clean slate and you can forget your past. You can forget your current state of mind. You can start and have a new life, you pick the year. You pick where you felt that life sucks and your want a redo. You want to start all over again.

What would it be for you? Where would you actually start? Would you go all the way back to high school? Would it be dating? After your second kid? Before your tenth anniversary? After the raise at work but before... I don't know, but it is something to think about.

Imagine life giving me a redo and I can pick any point in time? Would I pick a time before my kids or after, but wish my kids were born when I was a bit older and wiser. Do I wish I knew the things that I know now, back then...That would be a great idea. Imagine getting married 15 years ago with the way internet is now. That would have been an interesting experience. What would my dating life be like had I had this blog 15 years ago when I was dating. Woah baby. If the people who read this were around and I knew about them.

On a serious note, has anyone felt the need to get out, to get away from their life before they go crazy? Is it the marriage that is going stale? The job that is boring? The kids getting to you? Or is it just middle age creeping up and we all get depression, we just need to be strong and overcome it. I think it is a scary thought to have that option.

How scary it is to think of the option, must be worst for those who have had people do that to them. Just jump ship and not look back. Who really benefits on that one?

Second Annual

But first for me.
Take a look at this.
Don't forget to nominate me!

A Short One

I guess I run in different circles than you guys.

Just a short question.

Who wears the "pants" in your house?

Ever Take it Off?

No, not what you think. It is "clean".

Most people I know usually wear their wedding band. It is a given. You are married, you just wear it. It is a part of you. You can wear other rings, but the wedding band stays put. Rarely does one take it off.

Have you ever felt that the marriage was over and you took off your ring to make a statement? Felt that you were frustrated enough, that the only way to get through to him was to make this bold statement to him and take off the band? Do you think others notice it is as well? Did he notice?

I have friends who have gone times without their band on, but I don't comment on it. If I do comment, I usually get the typical response of leaving it off after a shower or something. I don't buy it, but why would I press further into their personal lives, other than to get good gossip and use it for my blog? If someone wants to offer more information, go right ahead, I will be there to discuss and listen, but if I ask and get a stupid remark, I know better, and accept the lame excuse as the real reason.

I try not to bring it up later on. Although, when a bunch of us get together over coffee and run away from all responsibilities, we gossip and talk about things. We see what works. Some husbands are so dense and blind, that they won't even notice that the ring was taken off weeks ago. Others say, he notices right away. He gets the point, and they talk about things. I mean after Fifteen years...You better talk about things before doing anything rash. Teenagers are rash enough without moody parents.

My readers, tell me have you taken off your ring because of a fight with your husband? Has he noticed? Did anyone else question that bold move? Husbands, have you noticed but ignored it? Have those who do wear rings, have you taken off your ring for the same reason? And did she notice? I do want to hear this...So please comment.

New Halachah

That's it.

I am going to start going to Rabbanim and asking them, petitioning this new halachah gamur. That everyone must oblige, no matter what. It must be done. They are so naiive and young. If we don't make it mandatory, it will get so out of hand.

"Every kallah must be on birth control pills for shana rishona". No ifs, ands or buts.

It is a new rule. It is a new halachah. All shitahs agree with this Torah Mi Sinai.

I want this to be realistic and not a fantasy wishing. There are many many young mothers out there who are divorced during shanah rishona. And many many have a baby.

What is needed is that in kallah and in chosson class, they must stress the importance of communicating and stress that you are now going to be living with another person, other than your parents. The teacher should be intuned with the student and make sure the choice that was made is sitting well with the person. So many times have the words "I/he/she had had doubts while engaged". Let me ask, if you have doubts...who are you sharing those doubts and fears with? Is that person trust worthy enough and know enough about you, the situation to help you make the most important judgement call of your life?!

The lacking of girls and boys talking does not help. When a girl comes out of school and hasn't really spoken to a boy, of course she can be smitten by the attention he will shower upon her on a date. She will be blinded by that to see clearly, and at 18 or so, she is so young and wont realize the impact of her decission, untill it is too late.

But you also cannot forget the older girls. Once they have gone out with the one guy who has dated them the longest, they too lose sight of what is really the goal here and cave into the pressure to "stop being picky already, and settle down", that they can ignore bright red flags for the sake of the diamond ring and wedding band.

People wake up. Get the word out on the street. If while dating things do not look good, do not, and I repeat, do not go forward with it. It will not change. If while engaged you see things that you do not like, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Yes, you want to be under the chupah, but do you really want to be alone again a year later? Look into things and make sure you speak to people who can help you.

Couple therapy before marriage seem like a great idea. A nuetral party that gets to help clear the ear. Sometimes, we don't know it or realize it, but all the people we talk to have an agenda, and might not help you think clearly. Friends might encourage you or discourage you, and being on cloud nine, you don't realize what is happening.

So sign up. A petition is going around. The earliest there can be a baby is 21 months after the wedding. Permission is granted to get pregnant on the anniversary. No promises that it is smooth sailing, but at least, you spent a year getting to know one another without having your head in the toilet.