Flirting with Fire

Flirting.

Flirting is fun. Flirting can be exhilarating. Flirting can be dangerous. Flirting can fill a void. Flirting can cause trouble. Flirting can...You fill in the blank here.


From an email I got:

Bassy,

I just love being a flirt. I love talking to men. I can talk and talk without a problem whether it is through email or phone or even face to face. I have the opportunity all the time. At work and at home. I just start a conversation and I relax. I get into this mood where I just want to talk and engage in a conversation on any topic. I am sometimes a bit overtly about what I say and I see if I am scaring him away or not. I can take anything. I accept when my coworker calls me honey. I accept when my friend's husband wants to ask my opinion on different things and feels the need to seek me out. I am not doing anything wrong. My husband knows that I am talking to these men. Actually most are his friends. But he doesn't know is how I feel about it. He doesn't always know the context of the conversations, but there isn't anything wrong with the topics. Just sometimes I feel that I can play on words that can lead to something, but I never let it lead to anything. If it is even close to going somewhere, I stop and back off. I do not have sexual conversations with these men, though sometimes I fantasize about it.

Do you think this is wrong? I don't think I would be upset if my husband does this but he doesn't have access to the females. And the females that he does encounter like my friends, are all tight lipped and barely talk to him.

You see I am different from my friends. I do not know if they know that I talk to their husband like this. I am open and open-minded. I am someone who is easy to talk to, so men find that endearing. I say this because this is what the men tell me. "X you are such an easy person to talk to, if only my wife was this openminded on such topics.." And "can you teach my wife this...". None of this comes to touching or phone/cyber sex if that is what you are thinking about. I just feel good about myself when what I say and think are valued by members of the opposite sex. I don't go into details about a lot of things, but now I am wondering if I should...But then I am afraid that it will be intimate and that is not what I want.

Can you help me?
Flirting with fire.


Readers,
I know this belongs on the dear bassy page but that is about dead as can be. I am not sure how to answer this person. Flirting is dangerous, but I agree that it is fun. Do you realise that many people flirt and there are those who are not conscience of their actions. You do have to be careful with the border, and make a rule for yourself and never cross that line. I say if it is all clean fun, go ahead and have fun.

Why

Why would someone who is going to fondle young boys, pick boys who are old enough to remember? Why not pick younger ones, like the ones he teaches? I know this is America and we have innocent until proven guilty, but I tend to go with the flow on this one.

My question is, why didn't he use younger boys instead of pre bar-mitzvahed age?? I have some theories that are pretty bad to think so I will use tact, and NOT post them here. I just feel that the older boys have something vs the little itty boys who don't have much. Considering the size differences between a six year old and a 22 year old. I say pick the 12 year old.

How does one pick his boys? Does he really look to see one who is insecure and one who doesn't have a whole bunch of friends always surrounding him? Are parents that naive about lfe that they will ignore their sons complaints and faking illness so just not to go to school?

What is this world coming too?

I wish everyone to be safe and be careful. Warn your children. And if you notice that your son or even daughter is an outsider, or quiet...Especially speak to him or her.

An Affair

I keep thinking about those who have had an affair or who are currently having one. How do they go home and face their spouse each day, knowing that if it was ever discovered the marriage is over. Then I get into a mood and wonder what will happen if I catch my husband in a tangle of webs, or if he would catch me in one.

Why do married people stray? What is it that leads them to look at others and want more than what they have? It can even be the same as what they have, but it must be the mere fact of doing something that is wrong that is the thriller. Don't you remember the first time you did something wrong. How you felt fearful and afraid, yet exhilarated at the same time. This is the same thing. Cheating is not done because the person wants to hurt someone else, it is to show that he/she can do it and not get caught.

While I do not agree with cheating and don't expect me to encourage one who is cheating on their soul mate, I can some what understand why the need is sometimes there. I was speaking with a friend and he said that he is getting bored with his marriage. Things just aren't the way he thought they would be. He wants something new. Something exciting. Leading an orthodox life is really boring and simple. He wishes he can do the things his coworkers do and he is tempted to go ahead and do something. He really is not a mean person. And he doesn't mean to hurt his family, but he is getting antsy and his wife simply does not understand him. Call it middle age too early! Now I know he wants my approval and all, but I simply cannot give it to him, being a wife. I suggest he talks to her and tells her what is going on and then figure something out...like curtailing his needs and living with what he has.

I also try to limit the conversation with him alone because I feel that there are many ways to have an affair that does not include sex alone. Talking to others behind the back of your spouse is an affair. Men don't always understand that. By talking to other women when your wife is not around can constitute as an affair. If you are using this women as a person to talk to because your wife wouldn't understand, that is an affair. It is not only talking. If you are hanging out because you need to get away from the house, you are having an affair with someone or something else and that is a breach in the contract of marriage. Some don't even realize it that we are doing it.

If the wife is sitting in front of her T.V. constantly and avoiding her husband and is not there for moral support or anything else, she is having an affair and betraying her marriage. She doesn't think that way, but if her husband would be at a bar all night, she would feel that he is betraying her. It is a two way street here.

Please set up boundaries and talk to your spouse about how you feel. He/she might not even know how you feel. If you need down time, and alone time, please communicate. If you feel that this one person understands you better, let your spouse know and be open about it instead of hiding it. By hiding the relationship you are admitting that it is wrong. Using the excuse that you didn't want to hurt her/him is invalid.

Your marriage is there. If there are kids involved it is harder to break away. There's also the emotional baggage that is there that is hard to break away.

The next time you have an affair, think of how you would respond if it was the other side having an affair.